From Rabbi Rami:
“Paper?” I said.
“No thanks,” he said, “I never read the thing. When I want to know what’s going on in the world I turn to the only source you can trust, the Bible.”
“Fair and balanced,” I said smiling.
“Just and true,” he said, not smiling.
“Really?” I said. “The Bible keeps you up on the day’s news?”
“It tells me what’s really going on. You think those papers know anything? They distract you with the surface stuff, but the real news is that Jesus is coming back and soon. All these wars and the debt ceiling are just signs of the Apocalypse. The world comes to an end December 21, 2012.”
“That may be,” I said, “but that isn’t in the Bible, that’s the Mayans.”
“The Mayans were Jews who came here before Jesus, and Jesus came to them and gave them their calendar and told them and us when the world was going to end and when he was coming back.”
“That may be,” I said, “but that isn’t in the Bible, that’s sort of from the Book of Mormon.”
“I don’t know about Mormons, but I know about the Bible. December 21, 2012—the end. But you know that don’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re the rabbi. I’ve seen your picture in the paper.”
“I thought you didn’t read…”
“You know Jesus is coming back and you’re doing everything you can to stop it.”
“You and all the other Jews who deny the Lord.”
“That’s pretty much all of us,” I said. “In fact, in American today, that pretty much defines what it means to be a Jew: we are just like you except we deny the Lord.” I was trying to bond with this guy, and failing miserably.
“Damn straight. You know you can’t stop him, and he is going to kill you all. All but some who will go to Israel to welcome him and worship him.”
“144,000,” I said.
“That’s right. Why don’t you want to be among them?”
“What makes you think I don’t want to be among them?” I said.
“Well, you’re sitting here in IHOP rather than in Jerusalem. He won’t come until all you Jews move to Israel.”
“Where he will kill us.”
“Yeah, but only if you don’t accept him as your Lord and Savior.”
“And that is going to happen on December 12, 2012? What about the pastor who says it’s going to happen on October 21, 2011.”
“He doesn’t know his Bible,” he said.
“Maybe he does. Maybe he knows it better. Maybe he’s just not a Mayan Mormon like you.”
Skip to 1:20.
And here’s some news from the northern Texas:
a Montana state court rejected a claim by defendant Richard Turk that his rights under the U.S. and Montana constitutions were violated by the state’s requirement that he present a social security number in order to obtain a drivers’ license. Turk believes that his social security number is the Biblical mark of the beast, and that requiring him to use it violates the free exercise and establishment clauses. The court concluded that Turk had not shown that his belief is a central teaching of any religion.